


Was It You All Along?

by EthelPhantom



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hanamaki is suicidal, I didn't want to hurt my babies but look what I did, I'm sorry matsuhana, M/M, Matsukawa is an amazing friend, Self-Harm, seriously Makki needs endless hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-04-27 18:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14431488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EthelPhantom/pseuds/EthelPhantom
Summary: Matsukawa never believed he had a soulmate until red, thin lines began to appear on his body.Hanamaki always knew he had a soulmate because bruises and scratches kept appearing on his body since he was a child.Matsukawa got way too worried in his third year of high school when the red lines started appearing again. He starts looking for his soulmate.Hanamaki fell deeper into the abyss called depression in his third year of high school.(In which Mattsun tries to find someone that is always right next to him and Hanamaki tries to make someone that is right next to him find him)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic wasn't beta read, so all the mistakes are mine. This is the first fic I've written in a long time, so feedback is appreciated. Criticism too, if it explains why and what wasn't good. Sorry if they're way too ooc.  
> Anyway thank you already for reading it~!

_Soulmate AU where whenever you get hurt and get visible marks of it, your soulmate gets those marks as well, though not the pain. You don’t know who your soulmate is. You won’t find out by some kind of a feeling. You just know it one day, no matter whether you've known them your whole life or one day, and usually it happens when one of them falls in love with the other or they see their matching scars. The realisation can come at different times_.

\----

Matsukawa was clumsy. Like really clumsy, but it didn't really bother him. It was normal that he tripped on something or fell down the stairs or dropped easily breaking things on the floor and then stepped on the broken pieces. He also just hit his toes easily everywhere. Yes, he got a lot of bruises and yes, he got a lot of scratches and cuts, but he always thought he didn't have a soulmate to bother with them and he didn't care so he didn't really try even try to be less clumsy, like one could stop it anyway. That was why he didn't even notice if he got bruises or scratches he hadn't caused himself.

Matsukawa wasn't one to believe the only person he could be happy with was his soulmate, so it was okay if he didn't have one, right?

Anyway, it was around the time he was in his second year of junior high when weird red lines started to appear on his body. First there were only a few, and then as the time passed, they gradually increased, making Matsukawa worry. At times he didn't get any new ones, sometimes even for months, but whenever Matsukawa let himself not worry so much about them as there hadn't been new ones appearing, they did, and Matsukawa wasn't sure whether he felt betrayed for no reason or mad at himself for not worrying. He was now sure he did have a soulmate, but whoever his soulmate was, they were in trouble and Matsukawa felt pain and a tight grip around his heart because he knew he wasn't able to help them. Not at least yet.

Halfway through his first year of high school the red thin lines stopped appearing, and Matsukawa was grateful because whatever happened, if it wasn't that his soulmate died, it meant something or someone had been there for them, and they had quit self harming. Matsukawa had become good friends with another meme loving kid, Hanamaki, who was actually his classmate. He had also become friends with Iwaizumi and Oikawa who were childhood friends, and the four of them were in their school’s volleyball club. Hanamaki and Iwaizumi were wing spikers while Oikawa was a setter and Matsukawa himself was a middle blocker. Even though they did have fun in the volleyball club, it was also quite tiring because they had hard practices and it was frustrating (mostly to Oikawa, Iwaizumi and their coaches)whenever Matsukawa and Hanamaki either tried or succeeded in skipping the practice— mostly to go to eat or watch their favourite movies. Of course they did like the club, so they didn't skip (or even try to) a lot, but still because the coaches and captain made their practices exhausting and hard, what a surprise they every now and then wanted to skip. 

At the beginning of their second year Matsukawa and Hanamaki had become best friends and inseparable ones too. They ate lunch always together, if one forgot to bring his the other one always shared. They watched movies together, both those they considered the best and those they considered the worst, just to critique them. They did their homework together, studied together, tried to be partners in their classes whenever possible and were a source of frustration to pretty much all of their teachers, even though they did well in most classes. They also went to eat together and visited each other's homes so often their parents got used to having two loud teenage boys giving them laughs and headaches. They did share both their good times and bad times, so though mostly they had fun and they joked and sent memes to each other, at one point Matsukawa found out Hanamaki cut himself. He once showed Matsukawa his arm, but he hadn't expected Matsukawa to cry, touch those scars and hug Hanamaki for at least an hour while telling him how much he cared about him and how important he was to him. It made Hanamaki feel better about himself, and it also deepened their friendship.

When Matsukawa’s third year of high school began, he realised his soulmate had gotten only a couple of relapses through these few years, and he was very proud of them. He hadn't really told anyone his soulmate was suicidal, because even though he found it important, he didn't think he could find them that way or that anyone he told could help them anyway.

However, during his midterms, the red lines started to appear again. It made Matsukawa feel the pain he had felt in junior high, but for some reason it was worse now. Maybe because he thought his soulmate was doing better, but now the red lines did not stop appearing. He started to get even more after midterms were over, and Matsukawa didn't know how to do the only thing he could; just stay there without being able to help them.

A few days later he decided to talk about it with someone, and that someone happened to be Hanamaki. He couldn't take it anymore without talking to someone, so of course he turned to his best friend.

“Hey, Makki, what would you do if your soulmate was suicidal and kept cutting themselves?”, he asked one evening after their practice as they were walking home.

“What's with the sudden question?”, Hanamaki asked laughing a bit.

“Yeah I understand it's weird to just, you know, ask something like this. I'm just really worried about them, they've started cutting again after quite some time, and these red lines just keep appearing on my body. I want to help them, but I can't. And, I know you've been suicidal and you've cut yourself, so what would you either do if your soulmate did the same, or what would you want your soulmate to do even if they didn't know you?”

“Your sentence made no sense, Mattsun”, Hanamaki said, and then started thinking. “Well, I think I'd try to find my soulmate. Or you know, try to somehow send a message to them, in some way. I don't really know, as long as you don't know who it is, you can't really help”, he said. Matsukawa hummed in response.

Matsukawa was told what he already knew, but there wasn't anyone or anything to blame of it, because that's just how it was. Matsukawa started thinking when exactly they had appeared on his body for the past few years, and he realised that they were most likely to appear around the time they lost to Shiratorizawa, or when they had either their finals or midterms, so he started to think it could be someone in Seijoh. It of course wasn't 100% sure just because they appeared around those times, but for now Matsukawa decided to try looking for his soulmate in his school. He knew it wasn't Oikawa or Iwaizumi, as they were soulmates, and it couldn't be Kunimi, Kindaichi, Kyoutani or Yahaba either, they all had found theirs. Watari said he didn't think he had one, but Matsukawa also knew for sure Watari wasn't suicidal, so almost the entire volleyball club was out of possible soulmates. Well, Hanamaki was suicidal, and he knew he hadn't found his soulmate, but Matsukawa thought he would have already known if they were soulmates.

In just a week Matsukawa was sure it was none of his classmates or those in the same year, as he asked Iwaizumi and Oikawa to look for people in their classes who had not so usual scars on their body. A few had had self harm scars, but they either had gotten them from their soulmates, or then they didn't match Matsukawa’s. Of course, not everyone was okay with Oikawa, Matsukawa or Iwaizumi checking their arms or legs or any other part of their body, but most people said that if it was to look for Matsukawa's soulmate, they’d show their arms.

In two weeks, the entire school knew Matsukawa was looking for his soulmate. He was handsome and funny, and he played in Seijoh’s volleyball team, so some of his underclassmen came to him claiming they were his soulmate, but none of them was. None of them had matching scars, and Matsukawa knew none of them was the one he was looking for.

"Hey Mattsun, couldn't Makki-chan be your soulmate? You're best friends and know each other inside out. It would make sense- and it's logical, right?”, Oikawa asked one day when they were doing practice in pairs.

Coach Irihata had told to practice with someone they usually didn't practice with, and because Kindaichi and Kyoutani wanted both Iwaizumi, Hanamaki was already with Kunimi, and Yahaba and Watari were both sick, Matsukawa and Oikawa ended up as a pair.

“No, I don't think so. Yeah it would be amazing to have your best friend as your soulmate, but I'd know it already if he was, wouldn't I?”

“Well, you could know, but there's always the possibility you'll know it only after ten years of knowing each other. Mom and dad found out after dad got into a car accident when he was nineteen and got this huge wound on his shoulder and lots of scratches, so when mom went to meet him, they noticed they both looked like they had been in an accident. Iwa-chan and I found out when I hurt my knee because I had fallen from his skateboard and my knee started bleeding.”

Matsukawa found himself considering the possibility later that day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanamaki goes through shit, meets his soulmate, and goes through shit again. He deserves hugs.

Hanamaki was not clumsy. Actually, the opposite. He never really got any bruises or scratches himself, but he was covered in those anyway. He got bruises on his knees and people asked if he tripped on something or fell down the stairs. His feet had cuts and scratches on them and he had to explain to people asking about it that “my soulmate is just a clumsy idiot and that's why I have these”. Hanamaki had always known he had a soulmate because of all the marks on his body, but even though he tried to look for them, he never saw anyone with as much marks of clumsiness as himself. 

Hanamaki wasn't one to believe the only person he could be happy with was his soulmate, but he still wanted to know who in the damn world was so clumsy that they got bruises in in the night, in the day and actually all the time. 

It was around the time he was on his second year of junior high when he got depressed, and started cutting. First he didn't do it a lot, because it hurt, but gradually the pain turned into an escape from what hurt him inside, so he cut himself more and more. Hanamaki found out how to conceal those scars and spent time searching for a perfect foundation, and bought lots when he found it. No one really noticed his state getting worse, and even though Hanamaki was sometimes able to stop, maybe even for months, at some point he got a relapse and cursed himself for them. He wished self harming wasn't this addictive. Hanamaki felt bad for possibly letting his soulmate worry, but he couldn't stop. He didn't find anyone who could maybe save him. He just hoped his soulmate would find him and save him. 

Halfway through his first year of high school Hanamaki quit self harming because he finally found someone who was always there. He was grateful for Matsukawa, another meme loving kid, a classmate of his who he became good friends with, because he never left his side. He had also become good friends with a pair of childhood friends who were soulmates, Oikawa and Iwaizumi. He had joined the volleyball club, and his friends were there as well, so he wasn't alone there either. Hanamaki and Iwaizumi were wing spikers while Oikawa was a setter and Matsukawa himself was a middle blocker. Even though they did have fun in the volleyball club, it was also quite tiring because they had hard practices and it was frustrating (mostly to Oikawa, Iwaizumi and their coaches)whenever Hanamaki and Matsukawa either tried or succeeded in skipping the practice— mostly to go to eat or watch their favourite movies. Of course they did like the club, so they didn't skip (or even try to) a lot, but still because the coaches and captain made their practices exhausting and hard, what a surprise they every now and then wanted to skip. 

At the beginning of their second year Hanamaki and Matsukawa had become best friends and inseparable ones too. Hanamaki fell in love with Matsukawa, and that was when he felt that Matsukawa was his soulmate. Well, he had seen Matsukawa’s clumsiness before too, but for some reason he hadn't realised they were soulmates. Hanamaki was also so used to using the foundation to conceal his old scars and Matsukawa’s bruises, so no one ever noticed it. Hanamaki became fond of Matsukawa, and they always had fun together, so he came to the conclusion that Matsukawa was the one for him. They did their homework together, studied together, tried to be partners in their classes whenever possible and were a source of frustration to pretty much all of their teachers because they memed in class, were always competing with each other, and so even though they did well in most classes, they made their teachers sigh all the time. They also went to eat together and visited each other's homes so often their parents got used to having two loud teenage boys giving them laughs and headaches. Hanamaki’s family noticed how Hanamaki smiled more, spent more time with people and that made his parents glad. They did share both their good times and bad times, so though mostly they had fun and they joked and sent memes to each other, at one point Matsukawa found out Hanamaki had self harmed. He once showed Matsukawa some of his scars, but he really hadn't expected Matsukawa to cry, touch those scars and hug Hanamaki for at least an hour while telling him how much he cared about him and how important he was to him. It made Hanamaki feel better about himself, and it also deepened their friendship. Hanamaki was even more glad it was Matsukawa who was his soulmate. Still, he didn't want to tell Matsukawa that, because apparently Matsukawa hadn't realised it himself and he wanted him to find it out at his own pace. 

When Hanamaki's third year of high school began, he realised he had gotten a couple of relapses through these few years, and he was very grateful to Matsukawa for always being there for him, but the fact Matsukawa hadn't realised they were soulmates made him feel bad and the midterms that were slowly but surely coming closer made him anxious. He didn't really tell anyone he was getting worse, and although he knew he could always tell Matsukawa, he thought it wasn't so important and that he'd get over it.

However, during his midterms, Hanamaki took the blade and began cutting once again. It felt worse than he remembered, but it also made him feel safe. Like there was an escape route. He felt bad for making Matsukawa worry again, but he couldn't help himself. Even when his midterms were over he didn't stop, so damn addictive it was. Hanamaki didn't know how to do the one thing he should; just throw the blade away and go to see a therapist. 

A few weeks later he got into an awkward situation because Matsukawa wasn't able to take it anymore without talking to someone, and that someone ended up being Hanamaki. Of course Matsukawa turned to his best friend. Hanamaki didn't feel good about not trusting Matsukawa enough to tell him he had began self harming again while his best friend trusted him enough to tell about his concerns to Hanamaki. Actually, no, it wasn't because he didn't trust Matsukawa. It was because he knew Matsukawa didn't know they were soulmates, and if he would have told him, Matsukawa would have concern himself with both problems even though in truth they were the same person.

“Hey, Makki, what would you do if your soulmate was suicidal and kept cutting themselves?”, Matsukawa asked one evening after their practice as they were walking home. 

“What's with the sudden question?”, Hanamaki asked laughing a bit. 

“Yeah I understand it's weird to just, you know, ask something like this. I'm just really worried about them, they've started cutting again after quite some time, and these red lines just keep appearing on my body. I want to help them, but I can't. And, I know you've been suicidal and you've cut yourself, so what would you either do if your soulmate did the same, or what would you want your soulmate to do even if they didn't know you?”

Hanamaki did feel guilty for putting Matsukawa through this again. 

“Your sentence made no sense, Mattsun”, Hanamaki said, and then started thinking. “Well, I think I'd try to find my soulmate. Or you know, try to somehow send a message to them, in some way. I don't really know, as long as you don't know who it is, you can't really help”, he said. He wanted Matsukawa to find him.

Hanamaki had told Matsukawa what he already knew, but he got into the situation so out of blue that he hadn't had more time to think what he'd say. Hanamaki started thinking when exactly he had self harmed lately, and he realised that he was most likely to do it around the time they lost to Shiratorizawa, or when they had either their finals or midterms, so he realised that if Matsukawa gave it any thought, he'd start to think it could be someone in Seijoh. Hanamaki had been right, because in the following days Matsukawa started looking around him more than usually, and he saw Matsukawa asking people if he could see their arm. Matsukawa even asked Hanamaki, Oikawa and Iwaizumi to help him, and he agreed to it without thinking. Hanamaki couldn't help but think Matsukawa was dumb for not considering the possibility of Hanamaki being his soulmate, but it also made him feel like drowning in some kind of an abyss.

In just a week their entire class knew Matsukawa was looking for his soulmate, and actually, so did pretty much all the third years in Aoba Johsai. Hanamaki had given up on “helping” Matsukawa, his excuse being the fact Matsukawa’s soulmate wasn't clearly on their class. Of course, he still had to listen Matsukawa complaining how not everyone was okay with Oikawa, Matsukawa or Iwaizumi checking their arms or legs or any other part of their body, but also that even though most people said that if it was to look for Matsukawa's soulmate, they’d show their arms, it was none of them. 

In two weeks, the entire school knew Matsukawa was looking for his soulmate. He was handsome and funny, and he played in Seijoh’s volleyball team, so some of his underclassmen came to him claiming they were his soulmate, but none of them was. None of them had matching scars, and Matsukawa knew none of them was the one he was looking for. Hanamaki grew anxious every time Matsukawa thought about another person being his soulmate, and even more when Matsukawa wouldn't even try to look beside him to find the one he in truth was looking for, and after some time he couldn't take it anymore, and went to Iwaizumi and Oikawa. 

“Hey Oikawa, Iwaizumi, can I talk to you for a moment?”, Hanamaki asked, and the two of them nodded in response. “Somewhere more in private”, he added, and started walking somewhere quieter. Iwaizumi and Oikawa looked at each other seemingly surprised, but followed Hanamaki nonetheless. 

“What's this about, Makki-chan?”, Oikawa questioned, and the look on Iwaizumi’s face seemed to ask the same. 

“Well. I've never told you before, but I'm… I've… I'm suicidal, and I've-”, he said before he was interrupted. 

“Cut yourself?”, Oikawa suggested helpfully, and now it was Hanamaki’s turn to look surprised. 

“Yeah… But how-”

“Well, we did guess that, but didn't know how to ask you about it”, Iwaizumi explained.

“Anyway, I can answer for the both of us, and say that we're sorry you have had to go through that shit, and that we're glad you decided to trust us enough to tell us a thing that's awful and painful, and for sure that's not an easy thing to tell, really, we do understand, but why are you telling it right when Mattsun is looking for his suicidal soulmate?”, Oikawa asked. Hanamaki was used to Oikawa’s bluntness, and he didn't mind it, he knew he meant only well. 

“Because I  _ am _ his soulmate”, Hanamaki said, showing his arm. He knew Oikawa and Iwaizumi knew what Matsukawa’s arm looked like, and so he also knew they recognised the scars right away.

“Hei Mattsun, couldn't Makki-chan be your soulmate? You're best friends and know each other inside out. It would make sense- and it's logical, right?”, Hanamaki overheard Oikawa asking two days later when they were doing practice in pairs. Coach Irihata had told to practice with someone they usually didn't practice with, and because Kindaichi and Kyoutani wanted both Iwaizumi, Yahaba and Watari were both sick, and so Hanamaki was with Kunimi because he usually practiced with Matsukawa or Oikawa, and so the latter ones ended up as a pair. 

“No, I don't think so. Yeah it would be amazing to have your best friend as your soulmate, but I'd know it already if he was, wouldn't I?” Hanamaki felt a grip around his heart. It wasn't a nice feeling. 

“Well, you could know, but there's always the possibility you'll know it only after ten years of knowing each other. Mom and dad found out after dad got into a car accident when he was nineteen and got this huge wound on his shoulder and lots of scratches, so when mom went to meet him, they noticed they both looked like they had been in an accident. Iwa-chan and I found out when I hurt my knee because I had fallen from his skateboard and my knee started bleeding.” Oikawa said. Hanamaki was glad Oikawa was trying to get Matsukawa to find the one he was looking for, who had been right next to him for the past few years. 

Hanamaki called Matsukawa later that night to ask if they could hang out the next day. He agreed right away and Hanamaki felt a smile spreading across his face. He could maybe make Matsukawa reali they were soulmates, probably by showing his arm. And hey, maybe Matsukawa considered the possibility of Hanamaki being his soulmate, after all, Oikawa was quite convincing and Matsukawa wasn't stupid enough to ignore it completely. Or so he at least hoped. 

The following day Hanamaki got ready to meet his best friend -and soulmate- and he was thinking of ways to tell Matsukawa they were soulmates. He didn't really know how well Matsukawa would take the fact that Hanamaki had again concealed his pain from his best friend or that Hanamaki had made his best friend worry again. Then again, Matsukawa was an amazing and understanding friend, so there would most likely be a problem. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get the last chapter out soon. Also thank you for the kudos~ I for some reason didn't believe I'd get it, so thank you~
> 
> Oh, and if you want to scream about MatsuHana with me, my Tumblr is EthelPhantom~ 
> 
> Oh and really, I love MatsuHana, so I never wanted to hurt my babies, but look what I did. It pains me to hurt them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so damn sorry for not updating earlier BUT LOOK I got it done anyway. Took only like three months. Anyway, this is the last chapter, I hope you like it!

They had decided to meet at the café placed next to the library, because they felt like getting some cream puffs and coffee(well, Hanamaki wanted cream puffs and Matsukawa coffee), especially as that exact café had the best ones of both in the city- or at least Matsukawa and Hanamaki thought so.

“Mattsun, can you please buy me more cream puffs?”, Hanamaki asked after he had eaten his tenth and last one. 

“Really? We’ve been in here like ten minutes and even less time eating. Can't you at least eat them more slowly?”, Matsukawa asked with a smirk on his face. 

“Nuh uh, they're too small and tasty to eat slowly”, he said and started looking at another person’s cream puffs greedily. 

“Makki no, you can't just go take someone else's cream puffs”, Matsukawa scolded his friend before bursting out laughing. 

Hanamaki looked something between guilty and proud when he realised Matsukawa had caught him, and he let out a laugh. Little did he know Matsukawa’s heart melted a bit, because he loved his laugh.

“When we're done you want to go to the park or something? I think it could actually be fun”, Matsukawa said receiving an approving look from Hanamaki. 

“I also heard there's a new ice cream shop the-”

“We're going, Mattsun. Like right now.”

“Wait what, are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“You just ate like a million cream puffs.”

“So? I want ice cream too.”

“You're so weird.”

“That's why you love me you fucker.”

“Hey Iwa-chan, isn't that Makki-chan with Mattsun?”

Both boys turned around to see the familiar voice behind them and groaned. 

“What in the fucking world are you two doing here?”, Matsukawa blurted out without thinking, but it was kind of understandable. They weren’t that happy to see their friends when they were clearly on a date because it reminded them of the unforgettable fact they both were single. It wasn't a bad thing to be single, but Matsukawa wanted to know and probably date his soulmate while Hanamaki wanted to date his best friend who also was his soulmate and who he was in love with. Pining over people is not fun indeed. 

Oikawa walked up to his friends and sat down, smiling. “What do you mean what are we doing here? Isn’t it clear we’re on a date with my handsome Iwa-chan?”, Oikawa asked laughing. Iwaizumi came there too and sat down next to his boyfriend. 

“What are you guys doing then? Solving your s-”, Oikawa bgan to ask but Iwaizumi kicked him under the table. 

“Iwa-chan!”, he whined and rubbed his a bit hurting ankle. 

“We were having fun until you came along”. Matsukawa snorted at Hanamaki’s remark, following with Oikawa’s “Rude, Makki-chan, rude!”. Sometimes it was hard to understand how those four were actually good friends with each other. 

An hour or so passed without them noticing, but when Hanamaki checked his phone to see if anyone had called, he got up and told Matsukawa they should leave if they want to buy ice cream, as if that continued any longer they wouldn’t be able to. They said their goodbyes to Iwaizumi and Oikawa, letting them continue their date. 

Hanamaki wasn’t sure how to tell Matsukawa about what was going on in his mind, or if he could do that at all, but he decided to try anyway. Just not yet. 

When they arrived at park, the ice cream stall was just closing. Hanamaki(and his sweet tooth) ran to the stall. 

“Please let me and my friend still buy ice cream!”, he said panting a little, as he had just ran with all his power about a hundred metres. 

“Sure, just choose quickly”, the woman said smiling friendly. Hanamaki looked through the options, but one specific flavour got his attention. Then again, he wanted to get something new as well. In the time he was trying to figure out what to take, Matsukawa walked to him.

“Can I have one strawberry tiramisu ice cream?”, he asked and the woman behind the counter nodded.

“A waffle or a cup?”, she asked as she started scooping the ice cream. 

“Waffle.”

“That would be 336 yens”, she said, giving the ice cream to Matsukawa. He paid and stayed waiting for Hanamaki. 

“Hey Makki, are you gonna choose one day?”, he asked sneering, but Hanamaki didn’t even seem to listen. After a while he had chosen, and took his wallet out of his bag. 

“I’d like to have one cream puff ice cream-”, Matsukawa laughed, “-and one green tea ice cream in a cup”, he said. 

The woman laughed silently and scooped two balls of ice cream for Hanamaki. 

“672 yens”, she smiled handing the cup to him. Hanamaki paid and thanked her for being so patient and letting them buy still. She told them it was okay, and that she wasn’t in hurry anyway. They thanked her once more and left to go to the swings. Neither Hanamaki nor Matsukawa had ever grown out of their love for swinging, and now they just sat in the swings eating ice cream. 

After some time, Hanamaki gathered up all his courage, and opened his mouth. 

“Hey, Mattsun, can I see your forearm?”, he asked, terribly nervous and his voice trembling a little. Nothing had made him this nervous since he told Matsukawa he was depressed.

Matsukawa noticed the change in his best friend’s voice, but didn’t comment it. Instead, he just answered the question, “Yeah, sure. Why?” 

Hanamaki didn’t answer him, just took Matsukawa’s arm in his hands and rolled his sleeve up. He saw the perfectly matching scars, and placed his own arm, sleeve rolled up, next to Matsukawa’s. He heard Matsukawa gasp in surprise, and was quite sure he was looking straight to him, but didn’t dare to raise his head to look at his friend. He felt a strong but warm hand under his chin and then he was forced to face Matsukawa. His eyes were full of confusion, concern and worry, but Hanamaki could swear he saw a hint of newfound happiness there too. 

“Y- You’re my soulmate?”, Matsukawa asked stuttering slightly with his words due this all being so unexpected. He saw Hanamaki nodding slightly. “How long- how long have you known?”

“Hmh, maybe from beginning of our second year”, he said truthfully, still kind of his soulmate’s stare. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I wanted you to find out on your own… And I don’t know, I felt like it would be selfish to come up to you and say that you’re my soulmate. I thought it would sound like I just had fallen in love with you and take away your choice of who you want to love. I just couldn’t just watch how you were looking for your soulmate from everywhere but right next to you, where I was waiting.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, if you only had told me I could have helped you earlier.”

“But you did, by staying by my side. It’s just that I couldn’t take all the stress from everything and.. Relapsed.”

“I promise we’re gonna get you through this shit okay? And you promise you’re gonna get professional hel- no, don’t try, I know you don’t have a therapist or anything.”

Matsukawa started smiling when Hanamaki wrapped his arms around him. 

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay”, Matsukawa assured his newly found soulmate. “I promise I will be there and hold you even in the deepest dephts of your despair. Always.”

The following day Aoba Johsai’s volleyball team witnessed Hanamaki and Matsukawa walking hand in hand to practice, Hanamaki for the first time in years his scars covered with makeup foundation. Kyoutani handed 1000 yens to one smirking Yahaba and Oikawa gave a high-five to Iwaizumi. Their coaches hadn’t yet arrived so Watari and Oikawa walked up to the two, giving them hug or two. Or possibly ten. They were happy for their friends and definitely let it show. It took some time before Iwaizumi -that amazing team mom- noticed the first years who were a bit shocked for they just found out their senpai was kinda very suicidal -or had been. Iwaizumi walked to them and assured that Matsukawa would take care of Hanamaki and that they didn’t need to worry so much.

“Hey shitheads, let’s start practice, we don’t have lots of time left!”, Iwaizumi yelled getting everyone’s attention. The rest of the third years laughed, going to get nets and balls, while second and first years had to do some running laps. 

When school was over, Hanamaki and Matsukawa decided to go to Matsukawa’s place. 

“Mattsun, do you want to have a platonic or romantic relationship? I mean I want a romantic but-”

He was interrupted by Matsukawa’s lips on his. It was just a short kiss, but also so soft and sweet that Hanamaki wanted to melt. 

“Romantic, that’d be amazing”, he said smiling.

“Even if I told you this will hurt you more if I get a relapse?”

“Yes.”

“Even if the fire born from my terrible mental health will burn you?”

“Of course. Would you let me lead you even when you’re blind, in the deep darkness of the night?” 

“Yes. I just need you.”

“Would you trust me if you were to jump from the heights and I told you I’d catch you?”

“Mattsun, I would have trusted my life to you whenever for the past two years.”

Matsukawa smiled, taking his soulmate’s hand in his. 

“I never knew I was missing such a big part of myself, but now I want to never let you go”, he said, pressing a kiss on Hanamaki’s forehead.

“Good thing, because I was planning on to never let you go. I want to spend my eternity with you.”

 

 

 

 

They walked the rest of the way to Matsukawa’s place hand in hand. They both knew that being soulmates didn’t mean there wouldn’t be any difficulties on the journey, or that everything would be perfect for soulmates were still only human beings, but they also knew that they had the strength to overcome anything if only they were with each other. 

They had an entire future ahead of them, and they were more than happy to spend it next to each other. 

Even after decades, they still told people about the story how Matsukawa tried his hardest to find someone who was, in truth, always next to him and how Hanamaki tried his hardest to make someone who never left his side to find him. 

The story of how their love began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come to scream about Matsuhana with me to [my tumblr](https://ethelphantom.tumblr.com/), okay? 
> 
> Happy you have stuck with me through this entire fanfic, let's see when I can post again. 
> 
> This fic was kinda inspired by my own experiences of depression and yeah, so it's kind of personal too, one reason more to hope you liked it and were able to feel it.
> 
> Also if you didn't notice, some of this chapter's end was inspired by a song "In the Name of Love" because I fell in love with it today. Sorry.  
> Love you all~


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